Approaching One Year

Normally when I write my blog entries I don't take a lot of time to think about what I am writing, I just write whatever I'm feeling at that time. This entry for whatever reason was different. I must have had at least 10 drafts that I deleted. Heres the one I settled on.

The one year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti is less than one month away. I realized this the other day during a meeting at work and since then I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do to acknowledge the day.

I still have no idea. Dream scenario is that I would be back in Haiti at the temporary Cathedral in Port au Prince listening to members of the parish sing beautiful hymns in French and Creole. I would spend the day with the people that I was with immediately after the earthquake, just hanging out at the seminary. But since thats really not possible I've got to figure out something else to do on the 12th.

Do I even want to do anything? Do I just want to ignore the day and keep busy? Not gonna lie the thought has crossed my mind a few times, but I feel like, if I ignored it, in some weird way I would be hurting all those who lost their lives that days. Hurting those who lost family members and homes and schools and hospitals. Hurting those that are still living in tents and struggling each day to put the pieces of the lives the once had back together. So I have to do something to acknowledge the 12th. I think we all have to do something out of respect and love for Haiti and its people.

But what to do? This is where I get lost in thought. Should I take a moment of silence? Spend the day listening to Haitian music? Make a special donation? Do I want to be alone? Is there a church somewhere that I could go to be with others who care about Haiti? I don't know.

Maybe you can help me. What would you do to remember the anniversary of the earthquake? What are you doing; something your own, with your family, church, diocese, whatever? What do you recommend?

I am struggling with this and your thoughts and suggestions would be helpful. It would also be encouraging to know that other people will be acknowledging the day in their own ways too.

Taking Action

I’ve been pretty quite lately just because when I think about all that is happening in Haiti, I’m speechless.

What can you say as the Cholera Outbreak continues to worsen, with more people dying and getting sick? What can you say as the blame game just seems to continue over where the Cholera came from, leading to protests throughout the country?

What can you say as violence wreaks havoc across the Haiti because of politics and reports of flawed elections? When candidates seem only to fuel the fire and not calm it? When you can understand why people, who have been living in camps for almost a year are fighting for a chance for their voice to be heard; while there actions may be wrong their reasons are understandable?

What can you say when you read reports of mothers picking up their children and fleeing tent camps because of tear gas being thrown by the UN to stop protesters. What can you say when people have been living in camps for 11 months, surviving extreme heat and intense storms?

I can’t say anything about any of this – I’m speechless; overwhelmed with sadness and frustration.

But just because I am in shock and frustrated does not mean that I can’t continue to act on Haiti’s behalf. It does not mean that all of us cannot continue to act on Haiti’s behalf.

Last Spring when I struggled with not being in Haiti and feeling useless, my aunt suggested I make a calendar of Haitian art to raise money for rebuilding. So that’s what I did and it’s for sale now. It’s not a lot but it is a small action I could take to continue to work on behalf of my friends in Haiti.

The art in the calendar really is beautiful and includes some Haitian proverbs. I also liked the idea of the project because it is something that shows Haiti’s beauty, strength and hope in spite of the problems they may be experiencing.

It is available at http://www.lulu.com/ and search Haitian Art 2011. The Calendars are being sold for $22 with the proceeds going to the Episcopal Church’s Appeal to raise money for the rebuilding of the Cathedral in Port au Prince and the schools that were on its property.

Be sure to also take advantage of the various holiday sales the website is offering. If you enter the coupon code FLURRY you can save 25% on your purchase. This only affects the amount of money going to the publisher and not the money going to Haiti; so feel free to save away.

I feel awkward promoting my project like some cheap salesman but I just think at times when things seem so bad we don’t know what to say, we can still take action to help our friends, so that’s what I’m doing and I hope you will too.

Too Much

After the earthquake, I remember thinking, how could this happen. Haiti and its people didn’t deserve this. Haiti has had a brutal history and after all its been through mother nature gives them an earthquake!? Not just an earthquake but what has been called one of the worst disasters in history by UN Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, and others.

That’s what I thought last January, but now 10 months later I can’t help but have the same feelings. Its been 10 months of people sleeping in tent cities. Some even with tents set up in the medians of busy streets. 10 months of sleeping on cold and rainy grounds. 10 months of facing the uncertainty of the future. As if all this wasn’t enough, the Cholera outbreak started.

Then within days of news about the Cholera there is news of a hurricane heading directly towards Haiti. When I heard about the hurricane I thought of my grandparent’s house in Florida and all the precautions there house has to keep them safe. And I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to hide out in a tent during a hurricane. News reports said that some of the people who stayed in the camps just sat with sheets around them trying to stay warm and dry during the storm as the rain pounded on them. Its unimaginable and something that should never be acceptable.

And now the news says that the Cholera has spread to Port au Prince. Close to 800 people have died and there seem to be no signs of the epidemic slowing down.

The night before the Hurricane Tomas was expected to hit Haiti I was talking to one of my Haitian friends. We didn’t say much. All we could think to say was. Its too much for one year. It’s just too much.

Cholera in Haiti

A few nights ago I was talking to a friend of mine from Haiti on Facebook Chat. He asked me if I had heard about the Cholera outbreak in Haiti. Nothing had reached the news at that point. Of course the next morning I woke up to find a New York Times article about the Cholera Outbreak. On Friday morning the New York Times said on its Haiti Recovery page that it wasn’t a disaster at this point, yet by Saturday afternoon there were fears of it becoming a disaster as the disease continues to spread and more people get sick. As of this morning (Sunday) there are reports of Cholera cases in Port au Prince.

Just in case you do not know, Cholera is cause by a bacterial infection in the small intestines and is usually spread through contaminated food and water. In this case it is thought the disease started due to contamination of Haiti’s Artibonite River. Since the

earthquake thousands of people have used this water source for their washing and cooking. According to one of the seminarians I worked with, it is still very difficult to access clean water so even though they know they are risking getting sick they might not have any other option.

(Photo from the New York Times)

While there were fears after the earthquake about disease epidemics, until now there have been none. It’s also the first time in a century that Cholera has been reported in Haiti. I’ve included a link to one of the New York Times’ articles here and to the Partners in Health website that has more information and photos of the outbreak here.

I am not educated on this topic enough to add much of my own commentary except to say that this disease seems to be moving fast and I hope it can be stopped before more people die. Haiti really doesn’t need anymore tragedies.

Grounded in the States...

I feel like I am always starting a blog entry by saying “sorry I haven’t written in so long, I promise I will do a better job”…So here I go again…Sorry I haven’t written in so long but I promise I will do a better job.

For those of you who don’t know, I have finished my time with the Young Adult Service Corps, the group that sent me to Haiti, and I am now living and working in Washington DC…This is part of the reason I haven’t blogged in the last couple of months. The moving process was a bit more daunting than I realized both for me and my dog.

By moving to DC, I have realized I am going to be grounded on US soil for the next couple years. I thought of this recently as I celebrated my birthday. The first time I have been in this country to do so in what seems like a long time. I also have been so enamored with fall because I haven’t seen the leaves change color or been able to get a pumpkin spice latte in a couple years either. With these perks of being grounded in the US there is also some sadness in the knowledge that I won’t be living in Haiti or anywhere else abroad for a long time. Living in Haiti and Uganda gave me this kind energy that made you thirst for life and excitement and the desire to make a difference in a way that I can’t seem to feel in the states.

In my new “grown-up” job I’m not able to do all the much involving Haiti. Don’t get me wrong I like my work, it just isn’t Haiti. I think because of this I am increasingly feeling the need to grab on to Haiti. Holding on to the memories of my experiences there, my Haitian friends, and to any chance I have of a future with Haiti in it. If I had only known when I started this blog “Holding Haiti” a year ago how true that expression would be in my life…

In light of all this I have a new commitment to this blog. I will continue to write about the experiences I had in Haiti and those I hope to have, my opinions on what’s happening now and anything else that may arise…if for no one else but me.

I hope that there are those of you out there that will continue to read and share your view points on Haiti and perhaps how you are holding on to your memories of Haiti.

Beginning the blog...again

I’m sorry I haven’t updated my blog recently. I got behind on the posts and then just sort of gave it up. The other day however, I was surprised, when somebody asked me about my blog, and asked that I continue writing. The conversation helped me to realize that I still have a lot to say even if I am not living in Haiti…so I’ve decided to take his advice and continue my blog.

In the next couple of months I hope to share excerpts from my earthquake reflection some of my memories from when I lived there, various projects I’m working on now, and maybe, if I’m really on my game, commentary on some of the things currently happening in Haiti. I apologize because it probably won’t be in chronological order but simply what I happen to be remembering on that day.

As for this entry I wanted to share a poem I re-discovered the other day. As some of you may know or imagine the past 7months haven’t exactly been the best times of my life, This is in part due to the various responses I have had in dealing with the earthquake. The other reason is because after the quake I was sort of plopped back into the suburbs with seemingly nothing to do. I was upset about how people treated me, or how people didn’t treat me, being ignored/forgotten or getting too much attention. Without going into too many details things haven’t been great but I hope to be coming out of that slump now.

I am preparing to move and the other day I came across some of the things from when my Dad died a couple of years ago. It was a poem someone had given me. Those who may know me may think its the kind of thing that I think would be too corny, but for whatever reason it was the only thing I could really identify with after my Dads death. Anyway, I re-read it the other night for the first time in a long time and this time it seemed to express the feelings I have had the past few months. I thought I would share it here; maybe it expresses some of the feelings in Haiti now and a way we can continue to be a friend to them…

Don’t tell me that you understand,

Don’t tell me that you know.

Don’t tell me how I will survive,

How I will surely grow.

Don’t tell me this is just a test,

That I am truly blessed,

That I am chosen for this task,

Apart from all the rest.

Don’t come at me with answers

That can only come from me,

Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

Don’t stand in pious judgment

Of bonds I must untie,

Don’t tell me how to suffer,

And don’t tell me how to cry.

My life is filled with selfishness,

My pain is all I see

But I need you, I need your love,

Unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs,

I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry,

And say “My friend I care.”

- By Joanetta Hendel

Still Holding Haiti: Holy Week

Sorry for the delay in writing about the next part of my trip but here is the third installment from my visit.

Maundy Thursday

So I’m not sure if there has ever been a Holy Week where I went to all the services until this spring in Haiti. My first day was Maundy Thursday and I went to the service at St. Jacques le Juste in Petionville…the church that was on the same grounds as where I was staying and one of the few churches in the area to not be significantly damaged.

At the church in Haiti it is usually expected that you bring your own prayer book and hymnal and of course I didn’t have one. So as the service started I was sitting in a row by myself and kind of pretended to mouth whatever was going on in the service…until an older women signaled for me to come up and sit with her and she shared her books with me for the rest of the service…as well as every service I went to at the church for the rest of my trip.

I avoid going to church on Maundy Thursday in the US because I hate the whole idea of foot washing. I guess I get the point of it but I don’t need to have my feet washed or wash feet. It’s not my thing. Turns out it’s not really the Episcopal Church in Haiti’s thing either…so I was reprieved from the foot washing.

I will say that the missionary to Haiti I was travelling with gave a really good sermon that night all about foot washing and why we should do it. It was all about love, loving each other enough to serve one another and be served. There was a tent city across the street from the church and she brought up the image of going across the street and washing all of their feet. The feet of people who are living in mud, disease and who knows what else. The question was presented to us about what could we do to serve the people in the Tent City…foot washing being symbolic for some other action. But the message of love and serving no matter what was made especially real for me because of my experiences and being in Haiti at that moment.

Good Friday

I went to a service in the morning at St. Jacques which was a pretty simple service, but following that service we made our way down to St. Trinité Cathedral. Since the earthquake an open air cathedral had been constructed next to the ruins of the old cathedral. It was more than meaningful to worship there.

The service lasted for about 3 hours as what I believe is call the last acts, or the last words or something like that were read followed by a sermon for each one. There were 5 priests and they took turns preaching. At the end of all the readings the Bishop would come to finish the service.

Admittedly it was hard for me not to be antsy during the service but I enjoyed singing the hymns in French and Creole as well as watching two little boys playing but there are two parts that stick out to me the most.

Towards the beginning of the service as a reading was read I turned around, looking behind me and saw Bishop Duracin sitting in a car just watching and listening. He remained there for the rest of the service until it was time for him to process in and do his part. For me, it was nice to see him taking a few moments of quiet to himself, one of the few moments of peace I believe he has had since the earthquake. A time of reflection to think and watch his people worship. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

The second most memorable image I have is during the service when one of the acolytes carried the cross up aisle playing the role of Jesus with the rumble and destruction in the background. Looking at the picture is better than me describing it so here it is…

Easter Vigil

Late morning the day of the Easter Vigil, Lauren and I were standing around the church. A petite old woman came up and said to us she thought there was a service and she had been waiting for it. Lauren politely told her the service was that evening and she hoped the women would come back that night for it. The woman’s clothes seemed to be a bit ragged and from the looks of her she didn’t seem very well off. She also began to explain that her leg was injured alluding to the pain she was in, her need for medical care and that it would be difficult to go home and come back again. For some reason I couldn’t help but feel some sort of warmth for her and a connection to her and I hoped she would make it back for the service that night.

To be honest I didn’t pay all that much attention to the service that evening (I was getting a bit churched out) but instead looked at the people around me. I was sitting next to the same women I had for the past services sharing her books as usual. At this point she was so used to hearing me read in French next to her that I actually think she thought I was good at French and would say things to me quickly in French and ask me questions. I usually just nodded or mumbled something in response.

There were some people I recognized from other times I had been at the church from before the earthquake. A mom who I had seen at the Christmas eve service, then with her exceptionally chubby cute son, another older women who usually talked to the women I sat by, but as the service started I looked and I did not seen the older woman from earlier that day.

The service was done with the lights out. Everyone brought their own white candles that were lit with a fire started at the beginning of the service. I began to observe the different candles. Many of the members that were present for the service are a more well off than the average Haitian so it was interesting to compare the candles. There was a thick long candle, short white candle in glass, candles with holders so wax wouldn’t land on their hands…

Then the old petite women walked into the church. She sat near the women I was sitting with. She still had a limp and had changed her clothes from earlier. I saw she had brought a candle, a simple white candle, the kind that you put in a candle stick. Clearly a much less expensive candle. She lit it and tried to hold it during the service while balancing her prayer book and hymnal. I noticed that wax was starting to drip on her hands and it seemed as if she was looking for a way to make it better while at the same time trying to ignore it and continue to pay attention to the service. Next thing you know the women next to me helped her out and they were able to drip wax on to the ground and created a stand for the candle. It stuck out to me as a very sweet simple act of kindness, the rest of the service is kind of a French blur.

I couldn’t help but think of the older woman for much of the rest of my time in Haiti Her simple genuine presence at the church. I could only imagine why she was coming to the church. What was she searching for, what she was praying for, what she was thankful for? I wished to know what her story was and was sorry for my inability to have a conversation with her.